Every New Years my family takes time to write new goals and discuss them because when goals are talked about, we think about them more and as a result they are more likely to become reality. It works the same way in talking about our crushes. We have a couple thoughts about a cute guy and how he makes us laugh, then we tell our best friend and before we know it, we’re obsessing over him and dying for him to ask us out. As fast as that, we’re star-struck – I know, because I’m a girl!
And, that’s why my sisters and I decided that we weren’t going to talk about our crushes.
As girls my sisters and I decided that we weren’t going to talk to each other about our crushes. But that didn’t mean we stopped planning our weddings at 14, 13, and 11. It also didn’t mean that we stopped talking about the qualities in guys we admired. In fact, we continued to guide our conversations by these principles even throughout high school and college.
At 14, 13, and 11 my sisters and I knew we didn’t want our lives to revolve around cute guys we most likely would not marry. It’s not that we didn’t like the guys or didn’t want to be friends with them, we just knew our life was worth more than frantically worrying about what fuzz-face johnny thought about our pink tights.
Speaking what’s on our mind is like a spell of actualization…
We wanted our lives and our relationships to speak loudly of purpose and vision beyond a boy friend. Like I said, we still planned our weddings, because we were and still are the kind of girls that want to be married and called “mommy.” But we didn’t let jim-jim’s humor or luke-luke’s hair become the focal point of our thoughts a conversation.
Guarding our conversations from idolizing certain young men protected our thoughts, time, and relationships. Ultimately, keeping a guard on our tongues kept a guard on our hearts.
So, how did you talk about guys?
That’s good question, because being a girl means I know we just want to talk about cute guys and thrift store finds!
First of all, we talked about certain characteristics in different guys that we admired, because the reality is when you like a guy, there’s normally a pretty good reason – at least that’s what we’ve found. As we talked about what we were drawn to in each guy we took note of that quality.
But then there are days, we just had a crush and even without talking about him, we were obsessing over him. On those days, we asked for prayer. Not because we were ashamed that we liked a guy – God created girls to be attracted to guys – but because we knew that’s not where our thoughts needed to be. So, we asked for prayer to respect the young man in our thoughts and focus on accomplishing God’s glory instead of attracting said guy’s attention.
But what about when you were 22, 21, and 19?
I’m glad you asked, because that was just last year for us and this summer one of my sisters got married.
So, we know first hand that you can’t always NOT talk about your crush, especially when crush becomes boyfriend and boyfriend becomes fiance!!! And, that just progressed quickly!
During this season of life there are a couple of phases: budding-relationship, boyfriend, fiance.
In the budding relationship phase, it’s hard to know what to say, especially if you’re the one without the budding-relationship. It’s just kinda…awkward. You want to be really excited, but you don’t want to rush your friends’ heart when she’s in a test-the-waters phase or I-think-he’s-the-one-but-I-need-to-finish-school-first kinda deal.
Whenever we found each other in this budding-relationship phase we focused on each other’s hearts. We talked about God’s plan for our lives as an individual and how we were pursuing Jesus Christ. We didn’t not talk about the guy, but after being all girly, we focused our thoughts on God instead of Guy.
Okay, so then we entered boyfriend stage. Fortunately or unfortunately, there was one of us (me) who was very single during this time. My sisters asked for prayer as they navigated this new season, but beyond that didn’t talk about their blossoming relationships unless I asked (which I was intentional to do as often as possible). Whenever we talked about Boyfriend we talked about real-deal stuff. We asked each other real-life questions and held each other accountable.
Boyfriend stage, as exciting as it is, isn’t a stage to play around. Hearts are involved. Talking about the frilly feelings is fun, but talking about real-life-implications, personality-puzzles, and chemistry is in order.
Finally, it was fiance!!! So we talked wedding plans just like we had been dreaming about since we were 14, 13, and 11.
What It’s Really About
In the end, it all comes down to priority. It’s not that my sisters and I disliked guys or didn’t want to get married, we just wanted our lives to count for more than the cute guy we stared at during math class and what fuzz-face-johnny thought about our pink tights. We knew that getting a guys attention and getting a new last name wasn’t the end of the story or even the climax. So, we talked about what we wanted our lives to be about, because – just like those New Year’s resolutions – what you talk about often becomes your reality.